Rub a Dub Dub

Last night we had our first "early" bedtime of 7:45pm and it was wonderful. Isabelle had a bath, ate and went to sleep with no fussing. It felt like a date night to have a whole evening to ourselves. We made ice cream sundaes and watched "Spellbound". It was a great movie and we laughed a lot. She woke twice in the night, but never making noise for more than 10 minutes, and then woke for the day at 6:30am! What a girl!

Yesterday I went to a connecting lunch for area worship leaders with Worship Institute staff member Paul Ryan. Paul candidated at the same time as Ben, and he and his wife have an 8-week-old son. I enjoyed the time out and also the discussion. Our topics were the worship planning process, song choices and working with your team on skills. I'm wanting to learn some new songs again so if you have suggestions for songs or albums you are listening to right now, post a comment.

Here are some bath pictures. Isabelle has always liked the bath, but she used to scream afterwards (hating either being naked or cold). Now she doesn't. This is actually the last time we bathed her on the countertop because now she splashes so much water that we have to put the tub inside the big tub now. She loves to kick!

Road Trip

Well, this has been quite the month. Right after my "Spiked and Seated" post we left for a two week vacation to Ontario. It was a wonderful time to connect with friends and family, and just spend continuous time with Ben and Isabelle. Isabelle did great on the trip and slept well in the car. I watched a few Smallville episodes on the computer while she was sleeping, since I was in the back and Ben and I couldn't really shout at each other.

Our first stop was to see my Dad's parents in Leamington. It was Grandma's birthday so it was extra special to see her on that day. She had made us a delicious lunch, and enjoyed holding Belle. Peppi (the dog) was so interested in her and a bit jealous when Grandma was holding her instead of him!

On to Toronto where we visited several friends while staying with Eugene and Nancy in their newly purchased and renovated home. Jackie and Natasha delighted us with their antics and energy. This is where Isabelle began waking in the night again. In fact there were several nights where all three girls awakened, sometimes to join in a chorus of wailing! Here's a picture of Karen and I with our girls (3 weeks apart). Just in case you are wondering, we're holding each other's babies, not our own!!


Ben got sick while we were in Toronto, so we limped along on our drive to Ottawa. We made a surprise stop in Kingston so Ben could rest and Isabelle could eat. On to Ottawa to see Ben's parents and Alison and Shawn. We went to church, had a great walk on the canal, enjoyed good conversation with Ali, and visited MEC! I got a new fleece and fall/spring coat which I love. Then we were back in Kingston for a week. While there Grandma and Grandpa were in Ottawa with Peppi having back surgery. He did great and is now healing well! In Kingston we had a great shopping trip with Ben and Jo where I bought my first pants since Isabelle's birth. I also had quite a few Honey Cruellers at Tim Horton's, and a Teen Burger at A&W (my most missed Canadian foods).

Ben and I had our first date alone in Kingston at Copper Penny for lunch. It's a place that we first went to in Grade 9, and went to frequently throughout our dating and newlywed days. It was so good to connect and just find out how we were really doing, without talking about the baby, the house, the job, etc. My mom babysat for us.

We saw Jason and Ginette and the girls for a night on the way home, and then saw Jody and Ashley as our last stop on Sunday. We got home at 11:30pm and then Isabelle woke at 1:30, 4:00 and 6:00!!!!

Jody and Isabelle (wearing her new hockey jersey from friend Justice)

Lessons Learned:

1) We need to have one vacation a year alone. As much as I love visiting, it's tiring and we can't do it every single time we are off anymore. We also have to start setting family patterns for how we will spend vacation.

2) I still really miss my family. I cried for about an hour after we left Kingston, but also kept thinking about what it will be like if Isabelle is in her 20's and that far away. How will it feel?

3) No matter how much stuff you pack, cut it down by one-third. You'll thank yourself.

4) I love travelling with Ben. He is always great company.

Sleep, Glorious Sleep

After being swung to sleep in the car seat for three straight months, we did it. Isabelle slept her first night (all night) in the crib on Thursday night. We awoke several times but were able to put her back to sleep without picking her up. This is big news in our household! We no longer have to worry about Ben destroying his rotator cuffs!! Cancel the extra insurance!

We love our girl. She has been a major delight the past month - laughing, smiling, cooing, growing. She has really calmed down and is easier to soothe and please. She's down to 3 longer naps during the day instead of lots of short ones, which is great.



I discovered the "Trixie Tracker" which graphs sleep and eating patterns, and I'm addicted to it. I love data entry and lists, and this is just fascinating to me. Click here and you can see how she's been sleeping lately.

My mondo vacation post is coming next. I've had to do a bit of work on the pictures so that's what is taking so long.

Bump on the Head

Isabelle,

Today you got your first bump on the head. A small little mark on your forehead. You were in the baby carrier and I was holding some containers and they slid into you. You held your breath for a second, and then you cried and cried. I took you out of the carrier and held you tight while you sobbed, with real tears coming down your cheeks. After awhile you got quiet, and we rocked in your chair for awhile and you fell asleep on me. The sun was shining in your room, just like on the day you were born. And I don't care about organizing the kitchen or making dinner on time. I just want to hold you and keep you safe, and make sure that I never, never do that again. But of course, you will get more bumps and I can't keep that from happening. But I promise that I'll hold you tight and tell you that it's alright.

Love you like the stars above,
Mummy

Spiked and Seated

I went back to Soulcare last week and everything went fine, just in case you were all waiting on the edge of your seats.

This is going to be a picture post. Isabelle is 3 months on Sunday and we realized we have been slowing down in the picture department - how could that be?? The first setting is her first wild hairstyle. We put some cream in her hair to get rid of her cradle cap and of course her hair went crazy, so that had to be documented. And the others are of a cute outfit from Auntie Lisa and Uncle Chris. She has slept throught the night the last 7 of 9 nights. We hope it's a lasting trend, but for now, it's like a dream come true!! I remember in December just wishing and longing for an entire night's sleep. It felt so good, but you know, I missed her.

Crazy or Not

So yesterday I went to Soulcare, which is a weekly class for Seminary spouses that I started going to last year. I've kept going because I enjoy it, and Ben is technically still a student until he finishes his Th.M. thesis. I was nervous because I play the piano for the singing (which I enjoy) but having not brought Isabelle before, I wasn't sure how to handle it. You see, right now things are going well at home. Every 2-3 hours she goes through the same cycle - eat, wake/play, sleep. Sleep is the most complicated one.

When she was first born, we used to think she fought going to sleep. Now I think she was just telling us she was tired and couldn't calm down. So after all my scouring of baby books that first trying month (Babywise, The Happiest Baby on the Block and The No-Cry Sleep Solution), I went with the advice and tried to be consistent about watching for her sleepy cues and putting her down right away. In the last few weeks, there has been almost no crying at all. When I see that she is sleepy or she starts fussing after wake time, I put her in the car seat, give her the pacifier, draw the shade in her room, turn on her vacuum CD and put the car seat in the rocker and rock it back and forth. Sounds convoluted but she's asleep within 10 minutes and there's no crying. I know all the books warn against props to go to sleep, but at this point, you just want to do what you have to do.

Background: We discovered the vacuum cleaner trick back in early January, but it was driving me CRAZY. I would be home alone with the vacuum on while she was napping and I kept feeling like I was hearing voices when it was running...babies crying, people whispering. It was like "The Others"!!!! We finally got a CD and it's not nearly as bad but still does the trick for her.

So anyways, when I go to church, I usually just rock the car seat and she will drift off during church. I thought she'd do the same at Soulcare, but she was having a hard time and I was freaked out about being in a small group of mothers all watching me try to soothe my child. Someone offered to take her, swaddled her, put her in the colic hold - but she cried and cried and I felt awful. Finally I took her back and put her in the seat and swung it and she fell asleep. Why was I so scared to take control of the situation and just do what I felt she needed? Because in the back of my mind I'm always hoping that someday she'll just go to sleep by being cuddled and also because I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy or overprotective.

So as much as I don't want to relive that, I have to go back next week and just do what I feel is right for her. Crazy or not.

Back to Work

Much activity over the last 2 weeks that can be sorted into 2 categories: Sympo 2006 and "Back to Work".

The Calvin Symposium on Worship is held annually on campus at Calvin College. This is my third year attending. The first year I was midly irritated by the lack of diversity in worship styles during the services and workshops, but each year the event has broadened in scope and participants. This was the best year yet. I enjoyed an all day workshop on piano on Thursday. Friday and Saturday I went to sessions on "Blended Worship", vocal technique, arranging for the worship band and writing lead sheets. I was nervous about attending, not knowing how Isabelle would do being out for the whole day. My mom, dad and brother (and Rika) arrived on Wednesday evening. My mom played "nanny" to Isabelle - following me around to the sessions and looking after Isabelle when she wasn't being fed. Both mom and Isabelle did great and seemed to enjoy their time together! And you know, I thought that going would make me really stressed, but I really enjoyed the material and the opportunity to be in adult land again. The icing on the cake was having my family here and enjoying their presence both at home and at the conference.

One of the phrases I've heard most often in the last two months is "When will you be going back to work?". This has been a difficult question to answer. The truth is, I have been working since I had the baby, but in a different way: answering Ben's questions, reminding him to call people, telling him where charts can be found, etc. I didn't really have a time where I wasn't thinking about what needed to be done in the office. BUT, this week represents something different in that I'm going back to meetings, and going to rehearsals, and seeing students again. Again, I'm nervous about how all that will go, but I'm so blessed to have a flexible job, and also a husband who has one too. Except for a few hours a week, Ben will be with Isabelle whenever I'm working. What a blessing.

Isabelle is doing great. She had her first set of immunizations on Friday and there were tears shed by both parents and baby. She continues to smile and coo at us regularly, and delight us with her ability to soak the top of her outfit by biting it continually when she's sitting up. She cries a lot less and is sleeping well at night.

I usually buy sheet music at the Symposium but this year I went for CDs:
Deanna Witkowski (jazz presenter)
49 Hidden Treasures from the African American Hymnal

One of my favorite songs of all time is on "49 Hidden..." which goes like this:

Take courage my soul and let us journey on
for the night is long and I am far from home.
Thanks be to God, the morning light is here.

The storm is passing over. The storm is passing over.
The storm is passing over, hallelu!

When You're Smiling

Isabelle started smiling this week. It's still here and there, so we haven't been able to catch it on camera yet, but she's doing it. What a boost. :) She continues to nap to the sound of the vacuum cleaner and go to sleep each night with Ben swinging her in the car seat. Craziness.

As for me, things are becoming more routine. We've had a flexible schedule for about a week now. We're sleeping well at night. But there are just less hours in the day to do things when you're nursing every 2-3 hours for 40 minutes. I don't crave time out of the house to do things - mostly just the time to do things around the house, like file all the paper sitting around, and sort my clothes so I can stop wearing the same pair of pants to church because I don't know if anything else fits.

My friend Sherilyn and I have continued our Gilmore Girls night on Mondays. We watch 3 episodes from her DVD collection and catch up on our week. She is pregnant with her first, so now we talk a lot about babies and pregnancy. The show makes me laugh and always cheers me up no matter how depressed I feel.

It's snowing again here and I'm going to spend today at home, writing endless thank you notes and doing housework. I'm still puzzled as to how I'm going to return to work, but people keep saying it will get easier. What I really miss is working with Ben, and I'd like to think that he misses me at work. The office is kind of a mess - I'm usually the one filing all the paper and sorting everything. And that's because I like doing it.

Christmas of Firsts

It's been awhile. Christmas and New Year's have come and gone. I've been wanting to do a really clever post about it all, but I settled for just actually doing one. My sister Joanna posted about Christmas not meeting her expectations. This got me thinking - usually my holidays consist of "going home", which we didn't do this year. Going home is always so exciting, but often times I fear that it will never feel as good as I really need it to feel. With the new challenges of caring for baby Belle, I didn't have many expectations this year. I just wanted to survive it. But it did really exceed my expectations. Here were the highlights:

1. Playing the piano and singing in church again.
   
2. Surviving my first time leaving Isabelle in capable hands (Oma and Opa).
   
3. Seeing my brother Ben talk to and hold Isabelle very tenderly.
   
4. Having my sister Joanna's boyfriend come to our family Christmas.
   
5. Sleeping almost all night two nights while Mom cared for Isabelle.
   
6. Playing music with the family in church.
   
7. Seeing Isabelle get baptized and presented to her church family.
   
8. Hearing my dad and sister Alison singing the John Denver Christmas song.
9. A visit from Jason and Ginette Mack and their darling daughters.
   
10. Our very first Christmas tree.
    

I, of course, was really sad to see everyone go. My joy continues to come from the quiet times I spend during the day and night, talking to God while I'm nursing, thanking Him for my marvelous husband and amazing daughter.

Highs and Lows

Let's start with the highs.

We took Isabelle to "Tokyo Grill" (our favorite Japanese restaurant) for the first time on Thursday. We had some plans that fell through at the last minute, so Ben suggested we try taking her with us. She slept soundly while we enjoyed our meal. We also had a plumbing extravaganza this morning where we couldn't get the shower to turn off. Ben had intended to fix it over Christmas with his dad because there is only one main shutoff valve to the water. I had already scheduled a haircut, so Ben took Isabelle to Lowe's to search for parts. Success was found on both errands - Isabelle and Ben survived their first time out alone together, and Ben found the part and fixed the shower before lunch.

As for the lows, Isabelle had two very fussy evenings on Friday and Saturday. It made me so sad to hear her scream for hours. I didn't go to church Sunday morning or evening, and spent the day in bed. I was tired from being awake, but also just had a sad day and let myself cry for most of it. It's par for the course at this time, so it doesn't have me too worried, but it was a hard day. I haven't played the piano since the birth (except once while my mom was here and she begged me to). How can I fit in practise time AND exercise? Just doing one seems like a huge mountain.

One more week until Christmas and Isabelle will be one month old. Hard to believe.

Evening Time

It's 9:40pm. It's the time of night where I'm wanting to go to sleep but knowing that I will have to wake up at 11:30 or 12:00 again sometimes keeps me from doing so. Baby Belle has been staying awake between the 8:30 and midnight feedings. Ben has taken to having a regular dance time with her to his favorite Raffi album "Bananaphone". She seems to like it because she doesn't cry...My favourite song on Bananaphone is "CANADA". I want Isabelle to learn lots about Canada and know that she belongs there.

I've been torn between sleep and "doing things". Isabelle is constantly keeping me guessing about which time of day she will be sleeping, and today was one of those days where I counted on her sleeping in the late afternoon - and she didn't. Consequently, I missed my nap. But she's so adorable when she's awake that it's hard to be frustrated.

The snow has continued to fall here. It's beautiful out the backyard where the trees each have their branches full of shelves of snow. It feels cozy inside. I haven't really wanted to venture out much, which is good because it takes forever to get ready, and really tires me out.

One of my wise friends said that the first two weeks were the worst, and it feels true. Every day gets better in terms of adjusting and getting to know this new life. And it's like marriage - it just gets better and better and better.

I Feel Fine

Beginning a blog has been like writing a song or starting a novel. You put it off because you’re trying to think of the perfect way to begin. So I’m just beginning at the beginning. Isabelle’s birth has been a new beginning. Beginning of a new life, beginning of being a mom and having a husband who’s a dad, beginning of the dance between work and home, beginning of slowing down. For all of these things I am grateful.

I’ve already been asked several times what it is like to be a mom. Here are some of the things that have surprised me most.

1. Feeling attached. I just want to hold her all the time and have her close. I don’t seem to care that I’m not “doing” anything or “getting anything done”.
2. I feel like she is the cutest baby in the whole world, and can’t get enough of looking at her and kissing her.
3. I have this enormous tank of patience – for dirty diapers, fussy feedings, flooding her clothes (and my bed!). It’s like an endless tank of love and I’m not sure what the source is.
4. Feeling bonded to my husband. I keep thinking to myself, “Does he know how much I adore him?” I have been so proud of him and so impressed by all the things he has done for Isabelle and I in the last week.

One of my favorite moments of labour was the long nap that Ben and I took after the epidural. The sun shone brightly into our hospital room, which is rare for Michigan, and we dozed to strains of James Taylor and Van Morrison. I keep listening to those two discs over and over, basking in the sunshine of our daughter.

“And I feel fine anytime she's around me now,
she's around me now almost about all the time.
And if I'm well you can tell she's been with me now.
She's been with me now quite a long, long time and I feel fine.”

The Week that Changed Everything

Isabelle Jane
November 26, 2005