One Year Ago

We took possession of this house a year ago on Wednesday. It's been a ride with the renovation and learning how to do all of those home repairs. Here are some things we learned:

1) Whenever you go to Home Depot to get a part for something, even if you take all of the things that it has to hook onto, you'll still get it wrong and end up having to go back and exchange it. (Ben spent a total of 5 days hooking up the gas on our dryer which proved this theory over and over again.)

2) Renovations take three times as long and cost twice as much as you think they will.

3) When you have more places to keep things, chances are you will put things in a different place everytime and have no idea where anything is. (This is especially true if you are 8 months pregnant when you move.)

We love our home!! It is everything we ever dreamed of having, and we feel like we'll never own another one like this one. Here are highlights of what we love.

Attached garage (hello bringing baby in while it's snowing). A 4th guest bedroom and bathroom downstairs. A finished basement. A laundry room with built in shelves. A room all of Ben's own to store his things that he'd always leave out in the living room and I'd trip on weights. An open concept living dining area. A yard that backs onto a ravine. A play structure that was already there. A long attached back porch. A neighborhood that has lots of mature trees within walking distance of our work and shops.

Happy anniversary, house.

Blog Block

Yep. It's me. I'm still here.

It's been a long month. A month of night wakings and colds and company and teething and extra projects at work and the list goes on. I have just been dragging myself around; I've been so tired. Things always seem so bad when you are sleep deprived. It's not really that they are bad at all. But when you are in that state, you just don't think right. Or see right. You all know what I am talking about. Hence, I have not been blogging or doing much of anything for that matter. Just hanging in there. Tonight Isabelle went to bed early (she had a 9 month shot today) and I managed to post new photos on Flickr and now I'll work on some blog posts.

This has been a good but different summer. I've enjoyed the time with friends and family who came and visited us. Isabelle did so many wonderful things this summer, and in some ways I feel like I've spent the whole summer in awe of how she is developing and growing. But I missed being at the cottage for a week and reading a new Harry Potter book. And being bored. And having time to work on projects at work and clean up my office. I missed swimming. I missed going to Ontario. And now summer's over and I'm feeling as though the fall is ramping up relentlessly.

One thing we did very regularly this summer was walk. In fact, most mornings after Isabelle woke up, we fed her and then we headed out for 40-60 minutes. It was precious time for Ben and I to talk and connect, and Isabelle loved being outside. We often treated ourselves to a cold drink at Starbuck's as a reward for the good exercise. When I think of this summer, I don't think of the fatigue or the disappointment at things left undone. I think of Isabelle crawling and pulling up for the first time. I think of those great walks and picnic suppers by Reed's Lake enjoyed by the three of us. I think of time spent with the people I love who sacrificed a lot to come and visit us. And I tell myself that it was another season. They come and go, and there will be more.

Farewell summer.

Me Time

Ben and I have been talking a lot lately about how we use our time. We struggle with getting our housework done (doesn't everyone?) and also having "me" time. Ben uses that time for exercise, and I use it for music. Tonight, even though we were tired, Ben did the dishes, and I tidied the main floor and vacuumed. Then at 9:30, Ben began working out and I played the piano. And now the whole day is ahead of me tomorrow with manageable tasks like picking up clothes in the bedroom and paying bills, instead of a mountain of dishes and a dirty floor. I like feeling that I can play with Isabelle during the day, instead of trying to do housework with her around. I'd rather just do the work when she's asleep at night instead.

I enjoy playing the piano, but I struggle with several things. I've never had a good technical regime, and so I'm never sure if I'm doing the "right" kinds of exercises. I also don't have a lot of finished pieces on my shelf that I love, and that I can actually play well. I have lots of stuff that I like the sound of, but that I can't play unless I'm in awesome shape. That's discouraging. So tonight I chose two pieces (Mozart's A minor Sontata, 1st movt. and Chopin's Fantasie Impromptu) that I have worked on in the past, but have never finished, and committed myself to working on them bit by bit, in hopes of actually being able to enjoy playing them in entirety and with accuracy.

Video on the Blog: Take Two

Click here to see some highlights from Belle's summer.

Okay, this ended up being fun after all my frustrations. Uncle Ben was here for a visit this week and he showed me a "simpler" way. I won't save them up like this anymore, but will try to post smaller clips more frequently.

No Time to Talk

Okay, here's a speedy update on what I've been doing.

1. Mom and Dad came for an awesome week long visit. We worked on the house and did fun things.

2. Isabelle has acquired a lot of new skills in the last 2 weeks and I'm still struggling to adapt (i.e. babyproofing). She has also been napping for only 1/2 hour at a time so there's no time for blogging, teeth brushing, housework, etc. She can now crawl, pull herself up in the crib and stand with assistance. She also got her first two teeth (bottom front) while Mom and Dad were here.

3. We had a mouse in our house so Ben was fixated on catching it - and he did...at 12:30am this morning.

4. Spending what precious little free time I have trying to upload video to my blog and I'm still not there yet. I'm very close.

5. Trying to stay cool. We broke heat records set in 1995 this week.

That's it for now. More details later.

Sand and Water

Last Saturday, Isabelle went swimming for the first time at Uncle Chris' trailer. The second picture is a classic Isabelle face.



On Tuesday, she played in the sand for the first time at Meijer Gardens with friends Jay and Colin from church. Yes, she ate some.

We've Come a Long Way Baby

Here's Isabelle at 2 days old, then at 7.5 months old. Amazingly, the girl can still wear the same outfit (although it's about to be relegated to the "too small" pile). She's simply amazing and we cherish each day with her.

Happy 4th

This weekend we decided we'd head out of town today so that we wouldn't be tempted to work on the holiday. We got up in good time and decided we'd let Isabelle have the AM nap first. We put her down, she cried for the usual 5 minutes and then silence. On a fluke, I went in to check on her about 10 minutes later and she was SITTING UP in the crib. That was a first; she hasn't pulled herself into a sitting position before. We usually have to plunk her down that way. With a little more talking to herself, she finally went to sleep, or so we think. But 20 minutes later she was again making noise, and when I peeked, she was SITTING UP again. So much for the nap. I think she was so excited about her new trick that she couldn't sleep. She's also been rocking back and forth on all fours - crawling here we come.

Back to our day. We gave up on Isabelle sleeping around 10am and packed the car. We'd planned to go to P.J. Hoffmaster State Park on Lake Michigan. We'd tried to go there two weeks ago with Karen, Sophie and Ali, but we got rained out. We then got about 5 minutes down the highway when we were hearing a loud noise like a plane. Yep, we got a flat. Ben, my hero, put the spare on and then we headed home. So much for going to the beach. After giving Isabelle a decent PM nap, we ventured out to get the tire repaired, which we were able to do in one hour while we walked around the mall. We're finishing the day with pizza and a movie since the munchkin is now in bed (with a newly lowered crib mattress to prevent more antics).

Things I was very thankful for today....you could attribute these to random circumstances, but I'm Reformed so I believe in the providence of God.

• Ben and I had just eaten 15 minutes before we got the flat tire. So had Isabelle. Those of you who are familiar with what Ben and I (and now Isabelle) can be like when we have not eaten know that this prevented us from loosing it and being in a very bad mood!
  
• We pulled over in a place that had a wide shoulder and under a bridge so we were in the shade while Ben did his magic.
  
• Ben depends on the car for his work and I was thankful that it didn't happen on a day where he would have had to cancel many appointments to get the tire fixed.
  
• The bolt on the spare tire's compartment was basically rusted on, but somehow Ben managed to reef it off.
  
• Ben did not get hit by passing traffic.
  

I'm excited to see what happens when we try for a third time to go to Hoffmaster with my parents in July. :)

Thank you - yummy!

 

May I Have Your Hand?

 

Visit from Canada

Here are a few pictures from our recent visit from my sister Alison, beloved friend Karen and Karen's baby Sophie. Sophie is 3 weeks older than Isabelle. We ate good food, went for walks, compared baby advice, went shopping, and just generally had a wonderful time. I was very sad to see them all go. There are more photos on Flickr.

Karen is my oldest friend. We grew up on the same street and we were born 3 weeks apart as well. At many times in our lives we have drifted apart geographically or to different schools, but fate always seems to draw us back together. She was always the "cool" kid growing up and I wanted so badly to be her "best friend". And here we are...she came a long way just to visit me so I'm guessing that we're pretty close. I'm very, very thankful for her friendship. 

Walk and Walk and Walk Away

It's back.

About 3 weeks ago I started noticing that I was really tired. I didn't feel like doing things I normally liked, lost interest in food, became unusually irritable and short tempered, didn't want to talk to anyone and just wanted to stay in bed. And then finally a few days ago it dawned on me - my depression is visiting me again. We were introduced almost 10 years ago, and thankfully it's not been around much during the past year.

But this time I'm trying my very hardest not to let it stay, not to invite it in for pizza and a movie and a box of chocolates. This morning when I would have liked to yank the covers over my head, I did my walking video. Exercise seems to be the biggest blues zapper that I have in my weapons cabinet. "Walk away the blues; walk away the stress..." says Leslie Sansone. Often the problem for me is that I can't hold onto the desire to feel better - it's a genuine wrestling match. And if I don't want to feel better than there is nothing motivating me to do anything about it.

So hear this, bleakness and darkest blues, you can't beat me! I can't stand the thought of my daughter saying "What's wrong, Mama? Are you sad again?" I'm going to walk and walk and walk away from you this time. Just try and catch me.

The Summer Ensemble

I can't resist posting more photos of Isabelle wearing items from her summer wardrobe, but there's a lot, so I've decided to get Flickr working for me again so I don't post 1000 photos of her on the blog. :) She has started reaching for lots of stuff and now it includes the camera, so every time it's out, she's reaching towards it (yet another challenge to photographing a baby).

Happy Anniversary

Today is my mom and dad's 35th wedding anniversary. As a kid, I remember always wondering what to get them as a present for this occasion. One year when I was under 10 I scoured garage sales and came up with a dried flower arrangement that was under glass. I'm sure my mom thought it was very ugly, but it stayed in a prominent place on our china cabinet for a long time. This to say that I've never been very good at expressing how I feel about their love for each other.

I've been blessed with two of the most special people on earth for parents. Here are some things I love most about them as a couple.

• They love to spend Mondays together.
  
• They read books about building their relationship and making it stronger.
  
• They pray together.
  
• They give to others together, by offering gifts and using their home for hospitality.
  
• They continue to desire a great relationship, instead of settling for an "okay" one.
• They are full of pride for their children and delight in our successes.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Happy anniversary, Mom and Dad. Thanks for being so committed to each other.

Going Home

This is outside the duty free shop in Sarnia - a last stop before we enter the good old U.S.A. As I said in an earlier post, we made an unexpected excursion to Ontario over the Victoria Day weekend to attend and participate in my Uncle Gord's funeral. Uncle Gord was like a grandfather to me, except younger, so in all senses, he was what he was - a great uncle. He was silly and funny, never spoke a cross word, knew what kinds of things kids liked to do, had a fun backyard and lots of Archie comic books in the basement. We took Isabelle to meet Uncle Gord in early March. I cried leaving his house that night, knowing that it would probably be the last time we saw him (he bravely fought cancer for the last several years). He showed Isabelle a stuffed robin, and taught her what it's call was. Now whenever I see a robin, I think of Uncle Gord.

Bumper Jumper

The Bumper Jumper - one of Isabelle's favorite places. She spends many happy hours in this thing, with her sheepskin rug (thank you Auntie Bear) under her little bare feet to keep them warm on the laminate floor.

6 Months

After some pressure from readers (no names will be mentioned), I'm posting some new pictures of Isabelle. She's 6 months today. What is she doing these days? Rolling over both ways, grabbing everything in sight, eating cereal (starting veggies this week), laughing when Ben acts silly, beginning to get up on all fours (we bought a gate this weekend), making razzing sounds.

Isabelle has benefitted from having many friends with beautiful clothes that they have outgrown and here she sports a dress from dear friends Jackie and Tasha. She also has several items from her 2nd cousins Shelby and Hope. When she wears these clothes, I feel like her friends are near, and that feels good!

It's getting harder and harder to get a good picture of her. Some part of her body is always moving, or else she's cross or distracted. This picture was taken on Grandma and Grandpa's couch on our recent weekend visit to Ontario for a family funeral.

I Quit

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with wanting to quit my job. Not just the job I have now, but every job. It started in grade 7 with the days of working for Mar-Leigh Farm. I hated being dirty and having unpredictable hours. If only I could work inside.

Next was the Esso service station in high school, where I had to share a shift with a guy who dipped into the till, and my pay got docked for it. I also had to work 3-10pm on school nights and sometimes Sundays when my family was home playing games in front of a fire. It was partially inside, if you count when I had to run the credit cards through and clean the washrooms. If only I could work in my field.

Then came university when I taught at a music studio where the owner and I had very different marketing and teaching philosophies. If only I could get a job with steady daytime hours where I was the boss.

Are you starting to see a trend here?

Then I worked for my dad and there I hated being the boss' daughter and working with too many females (although the money was good, and I got to wear clean clothes to work!). I subsequently worked for two other dentists who drove me crazy because they were nothing like my dad! If only I could avoid working with complicated personalities.

At my first paid church job, I hated having to work weekends. At the bank I hated the politics, pressure and managing people. If only I could work inside, in my field, part-time, for decent pay with a mixed gender staff in a place where I can drive to work with free parking.

Hey, that's what I do now. And guess what? All I've done for the last three years is think about quitting. I'm not a leader. I don't have enough experience. I have a different philosophy regarding the role of music in worship than the rest of the church. I don't know how to handle difficult conversations. I need more hours to do what they are asking. Blah, blah, blah.

I think I'm finally getting it. It's not the job that needs to change. It's me. I'm afraid of people. That's actually the number one reason I get depressed and want to quit my job. I don't know how to say what I think and enforce it. I'm afraid of people. I fear their rejection. I fear their disapproval. I'm afraid of people. But God is asking me to be strong and full of courage. To not quit, but to change, and keep on changing. To continue to face criticism and disapproval, disappointment and discouragement, and to be of good cheer because He's with me.

So for now, I'm still working.

Isabelle's Birth: Part IV

At 6pm Mom and Ali arrive exclaiming “Is there a baby?” You have to picture, I’m lying in the bed and there’s no one or nothing in sight. “Yes!” According to Ali, I followed that up with “She’s a girl and her name is Isabelle Jane. Isabelle spelled I-S-A-B-E-L-L-E.” I made Mom and Ali wait until Ben came back from the nursery with Isabelle to see her which was probably torturous for them, but I couldn’t stand to miss the moment of them seeing her. For more on Mom and Ali's story, see Alison's posts on knitting the family blanket. Lisa, Chris, Christy and Dane arrived shortly thereafter so we all waited for Ben to return from the nursery. Then as I ate my mac and cheese, I told the birth story to an attentive room. Everyone took turns holding Isabelle.

That day is burned into my mind like a scene from an accident or something traumatic, except it was nothing like that - just excitement and amazement. Ben stayed with me in the hospital and slept on a cot. He was a great coach. After two nights in the hospital, we headed home to start life as three. And the rest is history...

Isabelle's Birth: Part III

After more checks to see how I was doing, I was asked to start pushing around 2:15pm. We had a great nurse (Lynn) that helped me through it. This was the most difficult part. Isabelle seemed to be stuck on my bone and so I was pushing for 90 minutes. Close to the end they kept saying, “One more. One more” and after awhile I didn’t believe them! I was starting to feel hopeless like there was no way the baby was going to get out. And then I saw a flurry of activity in the overhead mirror and thought to myself, “Why are they rushing? The baby is NOT coming.” And then I could feel the baby sliding down and out. I couldn’t even watch because I was so exhausted and trying to focus.

3:45pm - “It’s a girl!” they cry in chorus. “Are you sure?” I asked which was followed by laughter. Then they placed our baby girl on my chest and I looked into her bright eyes. She was still and quiet and beautiful. Those first few moments were amazing, and even now I can see that face whenever I look at her.

After all the cleaning and weighing, they wrapped her up and put her back on my chest, and everyone left the room for about an hour. It was wonderful. We just stared at her and listened to her noises, and tried to decide on a name.

After that wonderful time was up, Ben took Isabelle Jane (newly named) to the nursery for her bath. I ordered dinner (my first food since the night before) and was anxiously awaiting Mom and Ali’s arrival. I had macaroni and cheese, chocolate pudding and juice.

Final installment tomorrow.