Going Home

This is outside the duty free shop in Sarnia - a last stop before we enter the good old U.S.A. As I said in an earlier post, we made an unexpected excursion to Ontario over the Victoria Day weekend to attend and participate in my Uncle Gord's funeral. Uncle Gord was like a grandfather to me, except younger, so in all senses, he was what he was - a great uncle. He was silly and funny, never spoke a cross word, knew what kinds of things kids liked to do, had a fun backyard and lots of Archie comic books in the basement. We took Isabelle to meet Uncle Gord in early March. I cried leaving his house that night, knowing that it would probably be the last time we saw him (he bravely fought cancer for the last several years). He showed Isabelle a stuffed robin, and taught her what it's call was. Now whenever I see a robin, I think of Uncle Gord.

Bumper Jumper

The Bumper Jumper - one of Isabelle's favorite places. She spends many happy hours in this thing, with her sheepskin rug (thank you Auntie Bear) under her little bare feet to keep them warm on the laminate floor.

6 Months

After some pressure from readers (no names will be mentioned), I'm posting some new pictures of Isabelle. She's 6 months today. What is she doing these days? Rolling over both ways, grabbing everything in sight, eating cereal (starting veggies this week), laughing when Ben acts silly, beginning to get up on all fours (we bought a gate this weekend), making razzing sounds.

Isabelle has benefitted from having many friends with beautiful clothes that they have outgrown and here she sports a dress from dear friends Jackie and Tasha. She also has several items from her 2nd cousins Shelby and Hope. When she wears these clothes, I feel like her friends are near, and that feels good!

It's getting harder and harder to get a good picture of her. Some part of her body is always moving, or else she's cross or distracted. This picture was taken on Grandma and Grandpa's couch on our recent weekend visit to Ontario for a family funeral.

I Quit

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with wanting to quit my job. Not just the job I have now, but every job. It started in grade 7 with the days of working for Mar-Leigh Farm. I hated being dirty and having unpredictable hours. If only I could work inside.

Next was the Esso service station in high school, where I had to share a shift with a guy who dipped into the till, and my pay got docked for it. I also had to work 3-10pm on school nights and sometimes Sundays when my family was home playing games in front of a fire. It was partially inside, if you count when I had to run the credit cards through and clean the washrooms. If only I could work in my field.

Then came university when I taught at a music studio where the owner and I had very different marketing and teaching philosophies. If only I could get a job with steady daytime hours where I was the boss.

Are you starting to see a trend here?

Then I worked for my dad and there I hated being the boss' daughter and working with too many females (although the money was good, and I got to wear clean clothes to work!). I subsequently worked for two other dentists who drove me crazy because they were nothing like my dad! If only I could avoid working with complicated personalities.

At my first paid church job, I hated having to work weekends. At the bank I hated the politics, pressure and managing people. If only I could work inside, in my field, part-time, for decent pay with a mixed gender staff in a place where I can drive to work with free parking.

Hey, that's what I do now. And guess what? All I've done for the last three years is think about quitting. I'm not a leader. I don't have enough experience. I have a different philosophy regarding the role of music in worship than the rest of the church. I don't know how to handle difficult conversations. I need more hours to do what they are asking. Blah, blah, blah.

I think I'm finally getting it. It's not the job that needs to change. It's me. I'm afraid of people. That's actually the number one reason I get depressed and want to quit my job. I don't know how to say what I think and enforce it. I'm afraid of people. I fear their rejection. I fear their disapproval. I'm afraid of people. But God is asking me to be strong and full of courage. To not quit, but to change, and keep on changing. To continue to face criticism and disapproval, disappointment and discouragement, and to be of good cheer because He's with me.

So for now, I'm still working.

Isabelle's Birth: Part IV

At 6pm Mom and Ali arrive exclaiming “Is there a baby?” You have to picture, I’m lying in the bed and there’s no one or nothing in sight. “Yes!” According to Ali, I followed that up with “She’s a girl and her name is Isabelle Jane. Isabelle spelled I-S-A-B-E-L-L-E.” I made Mom and Ali wait until Ben came back from the nursery with Isabelle to see her which was probably torturous for them, but I couldn’t stand to miss the moment of them seeing her. For more on Mom and Ali's story, see Alison's posts on knitting the family blanket. Lisa, Chris, Christy and Dane arrived shortly thereafter so we all waited for Ben to return from the nursery. Then as I ate my mac and cheese, I told the birth story to an attentive room. Everyone took turns holding Isabelle.

That day is burned into my mind like a scene from an accident or something traumatic, except it was nothing like that - just excitement and amazement. Ben stayed with me in the hospital and slept on a cot. He was a great coach. After two nights in the hospital, we headed home to start life as three. And the rest is history...

Isabelle's Birth: Part III

After more checks to see how I was doing, I was asked to start pushing around 2:15pm. We had a great nurse (Lynn) that helped me through it. This was the most difficult part. Isabelle seemed to be stuck on my bone and so I was pushing for 90 minutes. Close to the end they kept saying, “One more. One more” and after awhile I didn’t believe them! I was starting to feel hopeless like there was no way the baby was going to get out. And then I saw a flurry of activity in the overhead mirror and thought to myself, “Why are they rushing? The baby is NOT coming.” And then I could feel the baby sliding down and out. I couldn’t even watch because I was so exhausted and trying to focus.

3:45pm - “It’s a girl!” they cry in chorus. “Are you sure?” I asked which was followed by laughter. Then they placed our baby girl on my chest and I looked into her bright eyes. She was still and quiet and beautiful. Those first few moments were amazing, and even now I can see that face whenever I look at her.

After all the cleaning and weighing, they wrapped her up and put her back on my chest, and everyone left the room for about an hour. It was wonderful. We just stared at her and listened to her noises, and tried to decide on a name.

After that wonderful time was up, Ben took Isabelle Jane (newly named) to the nursery for her bath. I ordered dinner (my first food since the night before) and was anxiously awaiting Mom and Ali’s arrival. I had macaroni and cheese, chocolate pudding and juice.

Final installment tomorrow.

Isabelle's Birth: Part II

I remember feeling nervous that they were going to send me home because I wasn’t far enough along, but when the nurse examined me, she called the doctor to come in for a second opinion. In a few minutes, I learned that she did that because she couldn’t believe I was as far along as I was (6-7cm) and had been at home all that time! She said “It won’t be long. You better decide quick if you want the epidural.” I had wanted to try it without, but the contractions were getting really intense and I was starting to feel scared so we decided together to get the epidural. Good thing, because by the time it came (11:00am) I really wanted it!! Ben (as my coach) was allowed to order room service until the baby came, at which point the food was for me! So after we got settled he ordered an enormous amount of food (eggs, bacon, french toast, fruit) and ate it all! And all I could have was ice chips. But that was all I wanted so it was okay.

I love the epidural doctor!

Once the epidural was in I couldn’t feel anything, and Ben and I were both really sleepy from being up all night. My nurse tucked me in, and Ben got comfy in some chairs, and we both had a 2 hour nap. The sun was shining, which is rare for Michigan, so it felt like God’s presence was just radiating into the room. We listened to Van Morrison and James Taylor on our little CD player and dozed in the bright sunshine. Not too many people get such a nice nap in the middle of labour so it was an incredible gift.

Isabelle's Birth: Part I

So here's the first installment in Isabelle's birth story. It doesn't sound as exciting when you write it down. How can you translate into words all that we felt? It's impossible.

My doctor had told me three weeks before my due date that I would most likely be “early”. Those three weeks were long. The last Sunday before Isabelle was born (Nov 20), I sang and played a solo during a baptism, which I was really glad not to miss. After that, I was ready for the baby to come anytime. Thursday was Thanksgiving Day. We went to church in the morning and then had a dinner with friends around 4pm. That night I felt crampy, but no specific contractions. The next day (Friday the 25th), I felt sort of like I had the flu or a bad period. I basically laid in bed all day and watched movies and slept. I watched “Robots”, which ironically opens with a birth! That night my mom encouraged us to go for a walk so we walked to Breton Village around 6pm in the snow. We had friends over that evening for pie and we ended up re-watching “Robots”. During the movie I started having contractions, but they weren’t too regular, and I didn’t say anything in case it wasn’t the real thing. After dessert we stayed up awhile talking and it was then that the contractions started getting more painful. By the time our company left at 11pm, I was convinced that things were moving along. Ben had discussed going for a run the next morning with one of our guests, and I said “Oh, I don’t think you’ll be going.”

We bedded down for the night at 11:30pm with pen, notebook and stopwatch on the night stand. I ended up waking up Ben for most of the contractions, which were 7-10 minutes apart all night long. He would startle awake and write down the time, but he was usually asleep before the contraction was over!! Finally at about 5:30am I threw up, and then said, “It’s time to go.” So we called our parents just prior to 6am and started to get ready to go. Ben washed the dishes and packed the car and we left around 6:30am. Even though it was only a 2 minute drive to the hospital, I remember dreading getting into the Civic. Ben and I brought WAY TOO much stuff to the hospital.

Stay tuned.

Grandma

Well, I didn't get to the birth story yesterday as I intended. The internet was down all day, and it just turned out to be a hectic week. Whew! For those of you watching Belle's "Trixie Tracker" site, you'll notice she's been waking in the night again, and it's catching up with me. I chose sleep today over cleaning, work and blogging. So, it's coming. Here's a picture of my mom with Isabelle on her weekend visit. One of the highlights was feeding Isabelle rice cereal for the first time. She's doing okay with it, except that every time we feed her it takes about 10-12 spoonfuls for her to remember what she's doing. It seems like she's never seen the stuff before EACH time we feed her!

On a "me" note, I've been working on being less anxious about stuff. Whenever my mom visits, she always comments about how I worry too much, and I've really been working hard to let stuff go. I'm afraid of not doing things well or properly, or of making other people upset a lot, and it's really affected my adult life. Already this week I've had some triumphs over it...so I'll press on.

New Hangouts

High Chair

Dad's Arm

Doorway Jumper

It's been awhile. I was all charged up about writing again after my last post, but it was one of those months where I just had to get through this thing, and then that event, and then this piece of work, etc. So now I am post-Easter, post-family visit, etc. Except I'm throwing a baby shower this weekend.

Tomorrow is Isabelle's 5 month birthday, and I was inspired to write down her birth story by my friend Karen (who posted her daughter's birth story at 5 months). Stay tuned for that. This past weekend my mom and older sister Alison came for the weekend. Alison attended the Festival of Faith and Writing at Calvin College, while Mom hung out with Isabelle and helped me with several projects (including updating my wardrobe). A true mom is one who not only helps you pick out new clothes to buy, but alters them for you before she leaves. Thanks, Mom.

Ben preached a zinger of a sermon on Sunday that was part of a series on Christians being the bravest people on earth (basically because they are not afraid of death). It used several examples from our life, and one of the main points was about God asking us to take risks and not always taking the safe path. One of the examples he used was us coming to seminary, both Tyndale and Calvin. As much as I still believe that this is the place where we are called to be right now, when my mom was leaving on Monday morning, I still sob like I'm a prisoner here! Sometimes it's hard to be brave.

Honestly

So it's been awhile. I've been feeling somewhat contemplative lately. I've been reading lots of blogs: adoptive mothers, new moms, people who are living far away, a sucessful author and future writing coach, teenage music dude. I realized the other day the reason why I don't watch TV (also because we don't get any channels) is because I now spend more time reading on the internet. One of the things I realized in all my blog reading is that I have blogged much the way I interact with people. I'm polite. I don't go too deep. I tend to get easily emotional. I spend most of my free time with my husband and daughter. I have envied the honesty of many other bloggers that I follow, but have felt nervous to let people in on my thoughts. Honestly there are many days in the last four months I have not posted only because I couldn't think of anything "happy" to write about. I could have written scads about how sad I felt at the time!!! So, within reason, I'm going to try posting more often about what's really going on, instead of what I think would be nice to read about.

Isabelle has been fussy again during feedings, which I find very distressing. She's also really strong and fights me, so when we're done nursing sometimes I feel as though I've just finished a wrestling match! The other thing that's going on is that it's Lent, and irritatingly so, God seems to be calling me to reconciliation with several people, and it's something that I resist in the same way my daughter fights me, when I'm trying to give her what she needs to live.

Tomorrow is a double preaching day for Ben. He's well prepared and is currently downstairs preaching at the back yard. Last night we fought during the night about whether to pick up Isabelle or let her cry, and even though she went back to sleep, I was so riled up about the whole thing, I didn't sleep anyways!! Honestly, parenting is the most confusing and confounding task, and I'm only four months in.

Rub a Dub Dub

Last night we had our first "early" bedtime of 7:45pm and it was wonderful. Isabelle had a bath, ate and went to sleep with no fussing. It felt like a date night to have a whole evening to ourselves. We made ice cream sundaes and watched "Spellbound". It was a great movie and we laughed a lot. She woke twice in the night, but never making noise for more than 10 minutes, and then woke for the day at 6:30am! What a girl!

Yesterday I went to a connecting lunch for area worship leaders with Worship Institute staff member Paul Ryan. Paul candidated at the same time as Ben, and he and his wife have an 8-week-old son. I enjoyed the time out and also the discussion. Our topics were the worship planning process, song choices and working with your team on skills. I'm wanting to learn some new songs again so if you have suggestions for songs or albums you are listening to right now, post a comment.

Here are some bath pictures. Isabelle has always liked the bath, but she used to scream afterwards (hating either being naked or cold). Now she doesn't. This is actually the last time we bathed her on the countertop because now she splashes so much water that we have to put the tub inside the big tub now. She loves to kick!

Road Trip

Well, this has been quite the month. Right after my "Spiked and Seated" post we left for a two week vacation to Ontario. It was a wonderful time to connect with friends and family, and just spend continuous time with Ben and Isabelle. Isabelle did great on the trip and slept well in the car. I watched a few Smallville episodes on the computer while she was sleeping, since I was in the back and Ben and I couldn't really shout at each other.

Our first stop was to see my Dad's parents in Leamington. It was Grandma's birthday so it was extra special to see her on that day. She had made us a delicious lunch, and enjoyed holding Belle. Peppi (the dog) was so interested in her and a bit jealous when Grandma was holding her instead of him!

On to Toronto where we visited several friends while staying with Eugene and Nancy in their newly purchased and renovated home. Jackie and Natasha delighted us with their antics and energy. This is where Isabelle began waking in the night again. In fact there were several nights where all three girls awakened, sometimes to join in a chorus of wailing! Here's a picture of Karen and I with our girls (3 weeks apart). Just in case you are wondering, we're holding each other's babies, not our own!!


Ben got sick while we were in Toronto, so we limped along on our drive to Ottawa. We made a surprise stop in Kingston so Ben could rest and Isabelle could eat. On to Ottawa to see Ben's parents and Alison and Shawn. We went to church, had a great walk on the canal, enjoyed good conversation with Ali, and visited MEC! I got a new fleece and fall/spring coat which I love. Then we were back in Kingston for a week. While there Grandma and Grandpa were in Ottawa with Peppi having back surgery. He did great and is now healing well! In Kingston we had a great shopping trip with Ben and Jo where I bought my first pants since Isabelle's birth. I also had quite a few Honey Cruellers at Tim Horton's, and a Teen Burger at A&W (my most missed Canadian foods).

Ben and I had our first date alone in Kingston at Copper Penny for lunch. It's a place that we first went to in Grade 9, and went to frequently throughout our dating and newlywed days. It was so good to connect and just find out how we were really doing, without talking about the baby, the house, the job, etc. My mom babysat for us.

We saw Jason and Ginette and the girls for a night on the way home, and then saw Jody and Ashley as our last stop on Sunday. We got home at 11:30pm and then Isabelle woke at 1:30, 4:00 and 6:00!!!!

Jody and Isabelle (wearing her new hockey jersey from friend Justice)

Lessons Learned:

1) We need to have one vacation a year alone. As much as I love visiting, it's tiring and we can't do it every single time we are off anymore. We also have to start setting family patterns for how we will spend vacation.

2) I still really miss my family. I cried for about an hour after we left Kingston, but also kept thinking about what it will be like if Isabelle is in her 20's and that far away. How will it feel?

3) No matter how much stuff you pack, cut it down by one-third. You'll thank yourself.

4) I love travelling with Ben. He is always great company.

Sleep, Glorious Sleep

After being swung to sleep in the car seat for three straight months, we did it. Isabelle slept her first night (all night) in the crib on Thursday night. We awoke several times but were able to put her back to sleep without picking her up. This is big news in our household! We no longer have to worry about Ben destroying his rotator cuffs!! Cancel the extra insurance!

We love our girl. She has been a major delight the past month - laughing, smiling, cooing, growing. She has really calmed down and is easier to soothe and please. She's down to 3 longer naps during the day instead of lots of short ones, which is great.



I discovered the "Trixie Tracker" which graphs sleep and eating patterns, and I'm addicted to it. I love data entry and lists, and this is just fascinating to me. Click here and you can see how she's been sleeping lately.

My mondo vacation post is coming next. I've had to do a bit of work on the pictures so that's what is taking so long.

Bump on the Head

Isabelle,

Today you got your first bump on the head. A small little mark on your forehead. You were in the baby carrier and I was holding some containers and they slid into you. You held your breath for a second, and then you cried and cried. I took you out of the carrier and held you tight while you sobbed, with real tears coming down your cheeks. After awhile you got quiet, and we rocked in your chair for awhile and you fell asleep on me. The sun was shining in your room, just like on the day you were born. And I don't care about organizing the kitchen or making dinner on time. I just want to hold you and keep you safe, and make sure that I never, never do that again. But of course, you will get more bumps and I can't keep that from happening. But I promise that I'll hold you tight and tell you that it's alright.

Love you like the stars above,
Mummy

Spiked and Seated

I went back to Soulcare last week and everything went fine, just in case you were all waiting on the edge of your seats.

This is going to be a picture post. Isabelle is 3 months on Sunday and we realized we have been slowing down in the picture department - how could that be?? The first setting is her first wild hairstyle. We put some cream in her hair to get rid of her cradle cap and of course her hair went crazy, so that had to be documented. And the others are of a cute outfit from Auntie Lisa and Uncle Chris. She has slept throught the night the last 7 of 9 nights. We hope it's a lasting trend, but for now, it's like a dream come true!! I remember in December just wishing and longing for an entire night's sleep. It felt so good, but you know, I missed her.

Crazy or Not

So yesterday I went to Soulcare, which is a weekly class for Seminary spouses that I started going to last year. I've kept going because I enjoy it, and Ben is technically still a student until he finishes his Th.M. thesis. I was nervous because I play the piano for the singing (which I enjoy) but having not brought Isabelle before, I wasn't sure how to handle it. You see, right now things are going well at home. Every 2-3 hours she goes through the same cycle - eat, wake/play, sleep. Sleep is the most complicated one.

When she was first born, we used to think she fought going to sleep. Now I think she was just telling us she was tired and couldn't calm down. So after all my scouring of baby books that first trying month (Babywise, The Happiest Baby on the Block and The No-Cry Sleep Solution), I went with the advice and tried to be consistent about watching for her sleepy cues and putting her down right away. In the last few weeks, there has been almost no crying at all. When I see that she is sleepy or she starts fussing after wake time, I put her in the car seat, give her the pacifier, draw the shade in her room, turn on her vacuum CD and put the car seat in the rocker and rock it back and forth. Sounds convoluted but she's asleep within 10 minutes and there's no crying. I know all the books warn against props to go to sleep, but at this point, you just want to do what you have to do.

Background: We discovered the vacuum cleaner trick back in early January, but it was driving me CRAZY. I would be home alone with the vacuum on while she was napping and I kept feeling like I was hearing voices when it was running...babies crying, people whispering. It was like "The Others"!!!! We finally got a CD and it's not nearly as bad but still does the trick for her.

So anyways, when I go to church, I usually just rock the car seat and she will drift off during church. I thought she'd do the same at Soulcare, but she was having a hard time and I was freaked out about being in a small group of mothers all watching me try to soothe my child. Someone offered to take her, swaddled her, put her in the colic hold - but she cried and cried and I felt awful. Finally I took her back and put her in the seat and swung it and she fell asleep. Why was I so scared to take control of the situation and just do what I felt she needed? Because in the back of my mind I'm always hoping that someday she'll just go to sleep by being cuddled and also because I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy or overprotective.

So as much as I don't want to relive that, I have to go back next week and just do what I feel is right for her. Crazy or not.

Back to Work

Much activity over the last 2 weeks that can be sorted into 2 categories: Sympo 2006 and "Back to Work".

The Calvin Symposium on Worship is held annually on campus at Calvin College. This is my third year attending. The first year I was midly irritated by the lack of diversity in worship styles during the services and workshops, but each year the event has broadened in scope and participants. This was the best year yet. I enjoyed an all day workshop on piano on Thursday. Friday and Saturday I went to sessions on "Blended Worship", vocal technique, arranging for the worship band and writing lead sheets. I was nervous about attending, not knowing how Isabelle would do being out for the whole day. My mom, dad and brother (and Rika) arrived on Wednesday evening. My mom played "nanny" to Isabelle - following me around to the sessions and looking after Isabelle when she wasn't being fed. Both mom and Isabelle did great and seemed to enjoy their time together! And you know, I thought that going would make me really stressed, but I really enjoyed the material and the opportunity to be in adult land again. The icing on the cake was having my family here and enjoying their presence both at home and at the conference.

One of the phrases I've heard most often in the last two months is "When will you be going back to work?". This has been a difficult question to answer. The truth is, I have been working since I had the baby, but in a different way: answering Ben's questions, reminding him to call people, telling him where charts can be found, etc. I didn't really have a time where I wasn't thinking about what needed to be done in the office. BUT, this week represents something different in that I'm going back to meetings, and going to rehearsals, and seeing students again. Again, I'm nervous about how all that will go, but I'm so blessed to have a flexible job, and also a husband who has one too. Except for a few hours a week, Ben will be with Isabelle whenever I'm working. What a blessing.

Isabelle is doing great. She had her first set of immunizations on Friday and there were tears shed by both parents and baby. She continues to smile and coo at us regularly, and delight us with her ability to soak the top of her outfit by biting it continually when she's sitting up. She cries a lot less and is sleeping well at night.

I usually buy sheet music at the Symposium but this year I went for CDs:
Deanna Witkowski (jazz presenter)
49 Hidden Treasures from the African American Hymnal

One of my favorite songs of all time is on "49 Hidden..." which goes like this:

Take courage my soul and let us journey on
for the night is long and I am far from home.
Thanks be to God, the morning light is here.

The storm is passing over. The storm is passing over.
The storm is passing over, hallelu!

When You're Smiling

Isabelle started smiling this week. It's still here and there, so we haven't been able to catch it on camera yet, but she's doing it. What a boost. :) She continues to nap to the sound of the vacuum cleaner and go to sleep each night with Ben swinging her in the car seat. Craziness.

As for me, things are becoming more routine. We've had a flexible schedule for about a week now. We're sleeping well at night. But there are just less hours in the day to do things when you're nursing every 2-3 hours for 40 minutes. I don't crave time out of the house to do things - mostly just the time to do things around the house, like file all the paper sitting around, and sort my clothes so I can stop wearing the same pair of pants to church because I don't know if anything else fits.

My friend Sherilyn and I have continued our Gilmore Girls night on Mondays. We watch 3 episodes from her DVD collection and catch up on our week. She is pregnant with her first, so now we talk a lot about babies and pregnancy. The show makes me laugh and always cheers me up no matter how depressed I feel.

It's snowing again here and I'm going to spend today at home, writing endless thank you notes and doing housework. I'm still puzzled as to how I'm going to return to work, but people keep saying it will get easier. What I really miss is working with Ben, and I'd like to think that he misses me at work. The office is kind of a mess - I'm usually the one filing all the paper and sorting everything. And that's because I like doing it.

Christmas of Firsts

It's been awhile. Christmas and New Year's have come and gone. I've been wanting to do a really clever post about it all, but I settled for just actually doing one. My sister Joanna posted about Christmas not meeting her expectations. This got me thinking - usually my holidays consist of "going home", which we didn't do this year. Going home is always so exciting, but often times I fear that it will never feel as good as I really need it to feel. With the new challenges of caring for baby Belle, I didn't have many expectations this year. I just wanted to survive it. But it did really exceed my expectations. Here were the highlights:

1. Playing the piano and singing in church again.
   
2. Surviving my first time leaving Isabelle in capable hands (Oma and Opa).
   
3. Seeing my brother Ben talk to and hold Isabelle very tenderly.
   
4. Having my sister Joanna's boyfriend come to our family Christmas.
   
5. Sleeping almost all night two nights while Mom cared for Isabelle.
   
6. Playing music with the family in church.
   
7. Seeing Isabelle get baptized and presented to her church family.
   
8. Hearing my dad and sister Alison singing the John Denver Christmas song.
9. A visit from Jason and Ginette Mack and their darling daughters.
   
10. Our very first Christmas tree.
    

I, of course, was really sad to see everyone go. My joy continues to come from the quiet times I spend during the day and night, talking to God while I'm nursing, thanking Him for my marvelous husband and amazing daughter.